i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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