Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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