That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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