the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
