dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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