I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
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so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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