I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
