The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
