im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
cat food counts as protein by the way
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
