I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
