Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
