I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
