Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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