She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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