My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
