Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
