Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
of course. lets lasso hookers.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
