WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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