I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
