Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
