AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
