You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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