After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
