He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
