you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
