Where is the hickey?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
