I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
