Soap is not a condiment
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
