my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
