Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
