I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
