I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
