I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
