my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
