So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
