Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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