At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
