Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
no you cant smoke seaweed
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
