i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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