You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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