not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
