I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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