I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
