Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
They have beer where we have blood.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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