ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
