i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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