her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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