Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
