I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
from now on my penis is your penis
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
