So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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