i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
