I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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