Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
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You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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