There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
