I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
