If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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