So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
