Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
