I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
