I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
