He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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