You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
