just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think your dad took our porno
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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