smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
