I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
