omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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