I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
