I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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