My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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