I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
