remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
