Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
