he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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