went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
