Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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