theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
