Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
