bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
